Wednesday, October 31, 2007

eve was weak

For Halloween, we have a selection from one of my favorite horror movies of all time:

Carrie: [coming down from upstairs, Margaret has called her down after the phonecall she received] Mama? Who was that, that called?

Margaret White: You're a woman now.

Carrie: Why didn't you tell me mama?

[Margaret strikes her over the head with the "Woman's Bible" and begins to read a verse]

Margaret White: [reading] And God made Eve from the rib of Adam. And Eve was weak and loosed the raven on the world. And the raven was called sin. Say it, the raven was called sin.

Carrie: Why didn't you tell me, Mama?

Margaret White: Say it.

[hits Carrie in the face]

Margaret White: The raven was called sin.

Carrie: [Margaret hits her again] No, Mama.

[hits Carrie again]

Carrie: And the raven was called sin!

Margaret White: And the first sin was intercourse. The first sin was intercourse.

Carrie: I didn't sin, Mama.

Margaret White: Say it.

[hits her again]

Carrie: I didn't sin, Mama!

Margaret White: The first sin was intercourse. The first sin was intercourse. The first sin was intercourse.

Carrie: And the first sin was intercourse! Mama, I was so scared. I thought I was dying. And the girls, they all laughed at me and threw things at me, Mama.

[Margaret hits her again]

Margaret White: And Eve was weak, say it!

Carrie: No!

Margaret White: Eve was weak!

Carrie: No!

Margaret White: Eve was weak, say it woman!

Carrie: No!

Margaret White: Say it!

Carrie: Eve was weak, Eve was weak.

Margaret White: And the Lord visited Eve with the curse, and the curse was the curse of blood!

Carrie: You should have told me, Mama! You should have told me!

Margaret White: [kneels down and grabs Carrie's hand] Oh, Lord! Help this sinning woman see the sin of her days and ways. Show her that if she had remained sinless, this curse of blood would never have come on her!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

list time

* Saw a beautiful play this evening - "Rabbit Hole." I never cease to be impressed by the quality (and low price) of good, quality theater here in Atlanta.

* The full moon has made me crazy - again.

* Houseguests coming this weekend. I need their visit real, real bad right now...

* A Halloween party on Saturday night...perhaps a "gettin' ready pre-party" at my house?

* I finally landed on a costume: Professor Snape. However, if I can't get the wig right, I'll just be The Handsome Dark Wizard with Whom Dumbledore Fell in Love...

* I bought some stage blood for a friend today, while shopping for my costume pieces. There was a variety of formulas available, but I settled gleefully on the one that offered a "fresh, minty taste!" Even though it says not to ingest it...hmmmm...

* Huge workday Sunday. Wish it wasn't after a big night out, but oh well.

* A performance or two on the horizon


Monday, October 22, 2007

and i wonder where my money goes

An Actual Conversation between Norma and the OSW:

OSW: I'm so sick of everything. I wanna try new things, but I don't know how I'd make it work.

NORMA: Ok. You need capital. So. How much would you make if sold your house today?

(The OSW discloses's quite substantial, she being a frugal, shrewd, money-grubbing OSW and all. Norma is uncharacteristically impressed.)

NORMA: Well, I have about $12.50. So when you put that together, we've got a nice little nest egg to invest in a fun new venture.

OSW: So where are we going with all that money?

NORMA: Gilbert's, for karaoke.

OSW: What?!?

Friday, October 19, 2007


The only thing I like about the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: the Peach Buzz. It's our hideous local newspaper's snarky little social column, and I like it because it reports on things like rappers' birthdays and art gallery events with its tongue firmly planted in cheek.

Today, they reported on a new alcoholic beverage. The text is below.

(commence krap)

There’s a new drink finding its way to Atlanta nightclubs next year, folks. From the makers of the outstanding Hpnotiq comes
Nuvo, a sparkling vodka liqueur for women.

The sleek, glamorous bottle looks like a fancy European perfume ready for spritzing. Instead, it’s meant to excite the palate.

“It’s fabulous. It’s one of the sexiest and most innovative drinks out there,” says Tiffany Patterson of Atlanta, who got a chance to taste the beverage at a New York party. “It’s strong, but that’s what I I love about it.”

Patterson says its sparkling fruitiness reminds her of the inexpensive Boone’s Farm brand.

“It’s like they took the cheap stuff and said this is how it’s supposed to be,” she says. “This is the real thing.”

Company officials, in town last week doling out the pink stuff during the BET Hip Hop Awards, say Atlanta is the next market Nuvo will hit. It’ll be in nightclubs as well as package stores.

(end krap)

Hmmm...Tiffany says that it's the best of both worlds: Boone's Farm with a little more kick. And why doesn't it surprise me that their first test market was the BET Hip Hop Awards?

I suspect that "Nuvo" is an old Latin word for "ghetto swill." Or perhaps "Put this junk in a pretty bottle and any stripper will drink it?"

I'll take my slightly dirty martini any day.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

what can i say?

It's been a weird week.

The weather has flirted with us. Forecasts mentioned "heavy rains" and the skies swirled all day today, but we got very little in the way of precipitation. Mother Nature is a vicious, horrible tease.

My work has been so unbelievably fulfilling that I feel as though I may burst. Maybe one day I'll put my money where my blog is and show you the evidence, but suffice it to say that a little gratitude goes a long way, and that making a difference really does a body good.

Fell off the wagon a bit this week, with respect to the whole "working out" thing. I blame the very, very, VERY dark mornings, and look forward to daylight savings. We enjoy warm weather through Thanksgiving, so I can get back on the wagon shortly. However, I think I need to plan for an alternative...

Saw two movies at the Out on Film Festival this week. One was MISERABLE. The other starred RuPaul and was quite a bit of fun. Not as much fun as my date, however.

And that's all I know, ladies and gentlemen. See you this weekend for a drinkie or two because...after all...

If you want the ol' flivver to run, you gotta gas her up...ifyaknowwhatimean...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


* All the news about the drought has me feeling a little down (bah-dum-bum). My lord, it's URINETOWN!

* Had a fabulous weekend of stunning weather, great parties, a date, some sex, and a whole lotta gratitude for all of it.

* I'm sitting here right now watching Matt Lauer interview Senator Larry "I was just picking up some paper from the toilet stall floor" Craig. Gross. His wife is grousing about the effect that bloggers have had on this whole scandal. Well..add me to the list, lady...

* I know that this will come as a surprise to many of you, but Ellen's meltdown today made me laugh my ass off. Come. On. There's gotta be a better way to make your point. Plus, she's a REAL ugly crier....

* The OSW and I went to dinner last night. Dinner was amazing, despite the Drunk Loudmouth and his friends who were sitting near us at the bar.

* I love my job and I love my work and stuff, but I just had the urge yesterday to cash out what little I have and just disappear. This comes and goes with me, and (naturally) I've never acted on it. That pesky "lack of funds" keeps getting in the way...

* Next break? Thanksgiving. Not. Soon. Enough.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

This Week's Favorite Thing

Ok. Here are my thoughts on the titles she won in the competition:

1. Best Use of a Trumpet as Laser Gun
2. Most Outstanding Ogilvy Home Perm
3. Superior Usage of Christmas Tree Tinsel in a Costume
4 Most Inappropriate Use of a Charlie Chaplin Impersonation
5. Best Exit in Silence While Expecting Applause

Anyone else? Suggestions?

On a more serious note, this is what comes from too much parental encouragement.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


I was hesitant to get out this morning. I woke up early enough, but it was sooo dark outside and - to be perfectly honest - I'm a little creeped out by the park before sunrise. I'm not that fast a runner, and I do wear an iPod; experts might say that those were my first two problems right there. I may switch to biking - faster, more gratifying, and an easier getaway from anyone who might feel like gettin' in my way.

So I waited a little bit until I saw the first silver and pink slivers of the dawn, and ventured out. The park was covered by a thick mist, and the buildings of Midtown took up the shimmer as the mists gradually faded with the sunrise. Now it is absolutely golden out there, and I'm glad I managed to roll out of bed and be a part of it for a moment.

And a little post-workout flirtation with the cute Boot Camp instructor at the Caribou didn't hurt, either...

Sunday, October 07, 2007

in yo FACE

I just did one of my very favorite things to do on a Sunday in Atlanta. And I ain't talkin' about the events of last night. THAT's a story for a different day, friend...

I live around the corner from a very popular breakfast restaurant called The Flying Biscuit. It is ridiculously popular, for reasons that elude me. I mean, at the end of the day, it's all just eggs and coffee to me - but the people line up for HOURS to get into the place. Honestly, on any given weekend, rain or shine, you'll see a massive crowd of people outside. In the summer...they wait in the sickening heat; in the winter, they wait in the cold and rain. I don't get it. And I don't get it largely because there are about a hundred breakfast places in town.'s just eggs and coffee, y'all.

I used to manage a popular restaurant in Manhattan's West Village. It was the same thing: the people would line up to get in for pancakes and bacon - with about a thousand other options nearby. And they were always grumpy, usually having partied the night before and in desperate need of nourishment. Mean, angry, hungover people to whom a thirty-minute wait was a life sentence. They would harass me endlessly until I was able to seat them, and then berate the waitstaff for not moving at lightning speed with their coffee or bloody marys. And since it was just breakfast, the checks were never very large, so the staff didn't make money despite running their butts off all morning. There are a lot of parts to breakfast service: creamers and jams and sugar caddies and little hot pots of water for tea and spoons and blah blah blah. Everyone was unhappy, and I would just pray for the end of my shift.

So, I got up this morning and needed food - having been out last night and in need of nourishment like all those awful people I mentioned. Which brings me to my favorite thing to do on a Sunday. I called the restaurant and placed an order to go. I casually strolled over to the Caribou to get an iced coffee, then back across the street to the Biscuit to get my food. The hideous people in line glared at me, and I could hear their thoughts: "What? Why does HE get to just saunter inside?" I sailed in, picked up my food, and worked my way back through the throng outside. They glowered and grumbled and turned their attention to the hostess, who was just trying to keep some order. The women all had that bitter, pinched look on their faces that said, "Now why didn't we think of that? God, I HATE that guy" and their boyfriends all had that harried look that said, "What the fuck are we waiting for? I mean, it's just eggs and coffee."

I, however, sat in wonderful comfort on my porch, ate my food and drank in the beautiful day. My favorite thing to do on a Sunday.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007



There's some dumb widget (I think the kids call it that) that rates the propriety of one's blog based on the frequency of certain words. I got the above rating for a single instance of the word "slut."

Oops..I said it again. Better make that a PG-13.

my new favorite thing

There are many things I love about this clip, but I'll just point out a few:

1. LOVE the completely overdone, wide vowels: "XAHN-AH-DOUH!"

2. MORE LOVE for the slutty costumes and horrible "beauty pageant" choreography and runway walkin'.

3. WOULD LOVE TO KNOW what the eff does the Star-Trek-Mr.-Spock "Live long and prosper!" gesture at the end have to do with "Xanadu?" Or is it more the Mork the Dork from Ork, "nanu-nanu!" kind of crap?

4. ALSO, I'd LOVE to know where in America one can find a high school with forty homosexual teenage boys who are out, loud and proud?

The mind spins...with arms akimbo, and JAZZZ HANDZ!


* The AJC reported that Stone Mountain Park had plans to use over ONE MILLION GALLONS of municipal water to create a snowy attraction. They wanted the municipal water because it is treated and would create pure white snow, as opposed to lake water, which would yield brownish-green snow. North Georgia is in an insane drought. Stone Mountain ceased the effort when just about everyone in the state cried foul - loudly. Wise choice.

* A couple in the metro-Atlanta area is facing twenty counts (apiece!) of animal cruelty. Their home was raided when neighbors complained of the smell; inspectors found dead animals, dozens of mistreated living ones, and INCHES of waste on the floor - both animal and human. Neighbors described them as "animal lovers." My. GOD.

* In othe news, I'm still good on my regimen: up early, good food, limited drinking, etc. This is something of a record for me, one I wish to bread again.

* Plans are formulating: PTown Labor Day 2008 (!) and New Year's in....(drumroll)...Los Angeles, after Christmas in Ft. Lauderdale!

* I'm shopping for a new/used car. Any suggestions?

* Atlanta still wants to ban baggy pants. Some folks are crying "racist." I just call it "damn ugly."

* Must. Clean. Home.

* I miss my Johns.

Monday, October 01, 2007


It was a klassic Well, Well, Well-style weekend (minus the sex).

The OSW and I went to a new restaurant on Friday night, Beleza, in the 905 Juniper building. I've been waiting for a restaurant to open in that space and lemme just tell ya, kids - it was worth the wait. A gorgeous interior, fabulous service, and absolutely delicious food. I am thrilled to have such fabulousness within steps of my own home. Seriously.

We then ventured to Fifth Skreet for an impromptu get together. Then I went to Blake's and met a former aquaintance, who asked, "Why didn't you date me?" I may reconsider my earlier decision to let that one go...

I stayed in on Saturday night, as I had to work on Sunday morning. But that was done by noon, and I ventured over to Fifth Skreet again for a Sunday luncheon thrown by the OSW and Connie. It was perfect in cuisine and company, and I mighta had a little bit of champagne on that fine Sunday afternoon.

The perfect weather underscored a remarkable gathering of friends, and I am more certain than ever that if heaven exists, it's full of good food and front porches....