Wednesday, January 31, 2007

call me miss cleo

First it's Mary Hart. Now, Senator Joe Biden (about Barak Obama, via

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy," Biden said. "I mean, that's a storybook, man."

Whatchoo talkin' bout, Biden?

Hump day list:

* I've never really been all that much a fan of genex's blog (one day I'll stop being retarded and figure out how to link to him from my page). However, his recent post about annoying thirty-something women trying to buy sushi is hysterical. Funnier still? The comments.

* The OSW sent many emails today about hot guys in his immediate vicinity. Thanks for sharing. You mean, there are hot guys in NYC? You're KIDDING.

* We're bracing for a winter blast tonight. I'm glad I bought my bread and milk yesterday, 'cuz I ALWAYS crave bread and milk when it snows. The morons in our local news StormCenterWeatherWatchTracker2000 have the biggest boners right now...

* I need a vacation. Anyone going to P'Town for the Fourth?

* I also need to spice up my life, ifyaknowwhatimean. Ok, ok, ok...I'll put down the fried chicken, throw out the Chinese take out menus, and walk to the gym. Ew - sorry - I hate posts like that.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

and barak obama sho do like him sum fried chicken!

So I happen to be flipping channels and stumble upon "Entertainment Tonight." I despise that show and it's gorgon of a hostess, Mary Hart. Clearly, she has sold her soul.

Anyhoo, she and Cojo are dishing on the SAG Awards red carpet fashions, when they come to Chandra Wilson. You know her - the amazing Broadway actress/star of "Grey's Anatomy." La Chandra gave one of the loveliest acceptance speeches in recent memory, about her success despite her height, weight, and skin color. And she looked fabulous, to boot.

Hideous Hart's komment?

"'re right, Cojo...and she's so articulate."

You have got to be FUCKING kidding me.

Friday, January 26, 2007

you gotta have friends

So. A certain pallid friend of mine thinks my blog title is too long. I was going to write a scathing parody of his blog, but then I scrutinized his links list, and discovered that mine is INDEED the longest blog title ever. So the scathing parody must wait until he really pisses me off...

In other news...

There are two topics that just make my blood boil every time they come up in otherwise civilized conversation.

The first is Atlanta traffic. We have traffic. It stinks. Deal with it or suggest/lobby for/demand alternatives. Why twist the knife by boring your friends with the recap, unless it involves a particularly interesting, and unique solution to the problem (hopping a median, driving on a sidewalk, that sort of thing).

The other is cell phones, which are the new little red sportscar among men. I use an ancient, three pound Nokia that works beautifully, and does everything I need. But I'm the constant but of jokes about it, though I usually have the last laugh: you could run over my phone with an SUV and it would still work. Most of my friends are usually WITHOUT a phone, their Razr having just snapped in half or some such. Naturally, we all need these items, but I was recently out with a few friends, and they were all comparing phones and features. Funny...we're all in our mid-thirties and up. Little red sportscar indeed...

I only mention this because I endured a conversation today with a friend ABOUT THE TRAFFIC HE WAS IN, WHILE HE WAS BITCHING ABOUT THE CELLPHONE ON WHICH HE WAS SPEAKING. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

On tap for the weekend? Work, perhaps a little play, and more work. I'm just fine with that.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

hump day list

* So. Some brat pitches a fit on an AirTran flight, and airline officials wisely remove the family and ask them to take another flight. Now, the family is crying foul, going public with their "humiliation" so that other families can be made aware that "this sort of thing could happen to them." If there's a God in heaven, it will. REASON and RESPECT: 1. BEATRICE ELIZABETH: ZERO!!!

* Must make family time, stat.

* Had a wonderful meeting at work today that left me feeling appreciated. Love that...

* Had a brief fly-by visit from a dear friend last night. I'll take whatever time I can get. Bonus? Got to stay in a nifty new-ish hotel with him.

* Should I go to the gym? Yes. Should I clean my house? Yes. Should I stop blogging so I can do these things? Duh...

Monday, January 22, 2007


Well, well, well. An interesting weekend, to say the very least.

Friday was all about a dinner for a friend's birthday. Twelve of us in a busy restaurant. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that an account of the evening would be terrific fodder for this website: 'Nuff said.

Saturday = work. Afterwards, a film with OSW. We saw "The Queen," starring the incomparable Helen Mirren. My. God. Her performance should be required viewing for all acting students. She is a model of preparation, thought, risk, and FLAWLESS timing. We then dined - without incident - at Karroll Skreet. Was it the food, or the company? Both were a delight, it seems.

Sunday = work, then I passed on a friend's dinner get together. For some reason, I just felt like cuddling up with myself in front of the TV with some Chinese take out. Sometimes it's the best plan of action to ensure an early rise on Monday...

Thursday, January 18, 2007

beatrice elizabeth

"Beatrice Elizabeth" is a generic term for all white, privileged, sort-of-spoiled little girls. They are not necessarily brats, but they can be brattish. Neither is it their fault; these little girls are raised as princesses, and have little sense of context. They can be demanding, mischievous, whimsical, charming, and unpredictable. You totally know the type. They're the one's whose parents throw those insanely expensive and elaborate, $50K-birthday parties - for their 4th birthday.

The name is an obscure reference to an even more obscure play, Elmer Rice's "The Adding Machine." Trust me, the reference is VERY obscure - anyone who can identify it will have my eternal esteem. The more I encountered these little girls, the more appropriate the moniker became. It seemed that every time I had a client with a daughter or met someone's sister who had children, the more bothersome the little children seemed to be. And they ALWAYS seemed to have two names: Amber Madison, Mary Claire, Chandler get the drift. Beatrice Elizabeth's brother might be named Hunter Chase, a name that implies the status of "old family name" but really was probably inspired by the street address of the parents' first McMansion.

Beatrice Elizabeth appears everywhere; therefore, I was not surprised when she showed up in today's Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

"A recent AJC lost and found classified ad had us scratching our heads here at Buzz Central. The three-line ad read: “Stuffed bluebird, 7-inches, lost at the airport wearing blue soccer uniform. 404-***-****.” When we rang the number listed, Atlanta mom Angela McKinnon answered. As it turns out, the missing bird is McKinnon’s 9-year-old daughter Delaney Stewart’s favorite stuffed animal. “She dropped him at Hartsfield-Jackson when we were coming back from a trip over New Year’s,” McKinnon told Buzz Wednesday. “She’s had him since she was 1. He’s really like a member of the family. We would rather have lost all of our luggage. Delaney cried herself to sleep over it.”

The ad for the well-worn Precious Moments Tender Tail plush toy has already inspired one prank call “from someone saying they were holding him hostage,” McKinnon says. The family has printed reward posters and is offering $200 for the safe return of the beloved stuffed toy."

I mean, a STUFFED ANIMAL is the same as a member of the family?!? A federal case made out of a little girl who cried herself to sleep? Oy. The icing on the cake is the fact that it's a Precious Moments relic. Gross.

Somehow I suspect that the new owner of the tattered stuffed bluebird that was found at the airport ISN'T likely to read the lost and found section of the AJC.

But I'm just sayin'...

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

homo sum

So very many of you have written and asked me, "Hey! What is the significance of your blog's title?" Thank you for your interest and - frankly - I'm a little surprised that no one's gotten it. In fact, I'm a little disappointed. No. Let's be honest: I'm ashamed of all of you.

NO - it is not some drippy reference to "rebirth" and "self-reinvention."

NO - it is not a reference to some kind of sci-fi fetish.

NO - it is not a failed ad campaign for the City of Atlanta.

It is, dears, a paraphrased quote from one of he funniest SNL skits ever done. Years ago, David Alan Grier hosted the show and in between segments, he did a series of fake promos for various products - as Maya Angelou. Below is the text for Maya's ad for Froot Loops:

Announcer: And now, Maya Angelou... for "Froot Loops".

Maya Angelou:

Toucan Sam,
You leap on the back of the wind, load stone to assorted fruit flavors,
Phoenix of the dawns,
One smile.
We gave you, Toucan Sam, life.
You, Toucan Sam, give us loops of fruit.
Fruity loops, Fruit Loopies, swimming in the churning, frothy mother sea of milk,
Kellogg's appreciates consumer comments, P. O. Box 221, Battle Creek, Michigan,
A prism of fruity color, a cornocopia of over forty fruity tastes.
The orange, the apple, the grape, the pomegrante, the quince,
The kumkwat,
The kiwi, the planitain, the guava...

Announcer: This has been Maya Angelou... for "Froot Loops".


Saturday, January 13, 2007

Good morning!

Well, well, well.

It's been a while. But don't call this a comeback....I hate that word!

It's a return...