Tuesday, February 20, 2007

a real gem

Oy. A whirlwind of a weekend. Lotsa work, lotsa play, and I mighta found a drink or two.

On Friday night, the OSW and I headed to East Atlanta for a party thrown by a delightful gal with a nifty sense of humor. So nifty, in fact, that she decided to make her party an "I Miss Summer Party" and crank up the heat indoors - with added space heaters. I kid you not: it was 90 degrees in her house. Apparently, she intended for everyone to come dressed in warm weather attire, but I missed the memo. It was a charming party - lots of fun and interesting folks - but we lasted about thirty minutes before having to head off to other adventures. It was about thirty degrees outside, and I was never happier for the cold.

The rest of the weekend progressed as might be expected, and unlike everyone else in town, I had to work on Monday. Well, let's be honest - I had to show up and endure some of the most mind-numbing "seminars" I've ever suffered. To be totally truthful, most of the day was informative, but one of our major seminars was about "ADD/ADHD and Educating the Learning Disabled Child." First off, I'm not a big believer in the cult of ADD/ADHD. For the record: I do believe that it exists, and that it does affect many people in this country.

But jeez louise. We were presented with information that suggests vast numbers of people with this ailment. Vast. I would quote the research that was handed to me, but I've already tossed it out in disgust. Again, I have no doubt about many people are plagued with these problems, but this expert was basically telling us that we need to be prepared to accommodate every individual in a manner that speaks to their particular "disorder." Furthermore, we were all educated in the notion of the various "intelligences," a theory which basically pigeonholes people into eight categories (i.e., musical, existential, verbal, etc.). We were told to take a test that would tell us what kind of "intelligent" we were, and - get this - that if we came up with two or more results, that we were to go back and retake the test because IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO BE MORE THAN ONE TYPE OF INTELLIGENT.

You know what? I HATE being told that I am nothing more than the sum of my parts, that I have no facets, and that I can be so summarily reduced to a single perspective. It sickens me that people are being reduced to a collection of disorders. I would wager that should I have a private session with the expert, that she would diagnose me with a variety of things that would explain why I'm not rich or the President or something. I'm disturbed that there is an entire industry out there (and it is an industry, y'all) that is helping people to blame every misfortune of their life/childhood/day on some disorder over which they have no control.

I'm reminded of my favorite episode of "The Simpsons." Bart (naturally) has been diagnosed with ADD. His parents bring him to the pharmacy, where the scientists suggest a new anti-ADD drug called "Focusyn." When Marge asks if it works, the pharmacist says something like, "The only thing proven more effective is plenty of fresh air and exercise."

God help us. Oops...I'm sorry...it has been shown that belief in a higher power is a disorder, too. WAIT! That's only a disorder in Baptists... I MEAN alcoholics....HOLD ON...alcoholism is a disorder...but what if you just like to have a drink and a few laughs? Well, if you chart the number of drinks you have per week and compare it to the laughs obtained, you'll find that you are a blahblahblah intelligence, which is borderline alcoholic with tendencies towards the frivolous. Now, if we properly address the disorders displayed, we can eliminate any and all movements towards originality, humor, individuality, spontenaiety, or creativity, resulting in someone just like the researcher, who clearly has it all figured out while simultaneously avoiding any and all offense, problems, or even a furrowed brow.


Friday, February 16, 2007



The notion of hating Valetime’s Day is almost as much of a cliché as Valentime’s Day itself.


I got hit hard by Valentime’s Day this year. And usually I can snap back from these things pretty quickly. But it was a bit much this year, and I’m real, real glad that the damn day is gone. Don’t get me wrong: my favorite lyric is still “No I’m no one’s wife but…oh, I love my life” and all that jazz, but it seemed that every experience I’ve had this week has uh…reminded me of my solitude, and I’m man enough to admit that had a hard time choking it down. In fact, after dinner with the OSW, I found myself at home, texting LJ: “I’m bored and mad and I don’t want to be at home.” Neat.

Anyhoo…speaking of OSW, please don’t believe him when he implies that I dragged him out on VD for dinner. It was a fascinating cultural experiment. I’m just thrilled that he didn’t throttle the shitty waitress at the restaurant. The waitress acted like she had thirty tables to manage, when she in fact had only four plus half an empty bar. Waiting tables ain’t rocket scientry, y’all…

I decided to do some retail therapy the next day, and was assaulted by the Israeli lady at the “Dead Sea Salt” kiosk at the mall (first mistake). Literally assaulted. She was VERY aggressive and before I knew it, she had buffed two of my fingernails. With a smug, self-satisfied look that said, “There! Isn’t that fabulous?” she asked what I thought. I said, “It’s a little too ‘Jersey mafia hood’ for my taste,” and walked away. I mean, I don’t let Lily at the Gorgeous Pretty Beauty Nail Salon buff my nails, why should I let Rivke from Tel Aviv do it…?

Sheesh. I gotta drag myself out of this funk.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


You know, I was about to write a critique of this stupid day of Valentine, but I deleted it before it was finished. It sounded so bitter...and I'm not - really. Stop laughing. Besides, thousands of people have expressed the sentiment better than I ever could. I mean, does anyone out there NOT know that Valentime's Day is a construct of various consumer industries?

I weep joyful tears at the honest and true expression of real happiness and love. The reverse of that makes my stomach turn, so I'll just pop a few Maalox before I start my day tomorrow.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

a cobblestone road to hell

I'm probably going to get to hell all-the-faster for saying this...


I'm completely nonplussed by the fact that A.N.S. has "passed herself away." We'll probably learn that she OD'd. I predict that TrimSpa had something to do with it. At least that's what the media will say. I dread the coming months, when A.N.S. is crammed down our throats. *Sigh*

I do have one question, though:

What's to become of Bobby Trendy?

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

i'm tryin'

I have challenged myself to do a number of things lately, and this blog is one of my personal challenges.

You see, I used to blog under a different "cover," but I stopped doing that for a variety of reasons. I discovered that I missed it, so I decided to pick it up again...with a few new rules. Too much of my own personal and professional life was available to the world for its review and comment, and that was a bit much to handle. But I really, REALLY missed writing - and the fun, interactive nature of blogging. In this blog's last incarnation, I did adopt a "don't write anything about anyone that you wouldn't say directly to them," but the need for discretion has increased. I could throw caution to the wind because I'm sure that I would defeat any professional objection to my comments in this forum, but that would amount to a big battle and I have better things to do. Odd, to think of "discreet blogging," since that usually translates to "boring."

So my challenge is to confess and entertain (myself and anyone who cares to read my words) within certain stylistic and thematic...um...guidelines. I hope to not bore you.

So. Fun thoughts for today:

* Rev. Haggard has been prononuced "completely heterosexual." Neat. He's been cured. As I mentioned to some friends today, I'm sure that we'll all agree that the cure is worse than the disease...

* LJ and I have already started planning our "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead" party for Bush's departure. I may have my home cleaned up just in time...

* I got a "job" offer at the grocery store this evening. But I can't fit the show into my schedule, and the part's a bit too high for me. Sad, though...I LOVE the show...

* I, for one, don't care that Paris Hilton dropped the n-bomb.

* I have Saturday off this weekend, for the first time in a looooong time. What to do...what to do...?

Monday, February 05, 2007


I did a lot this weekend. Highlights included...

...a few thousand jazz hands

...an adult beverage or two

...a *gasp* Super Bowl Party

...the dawning realization that EVERYONE seems to have paired off

I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. However, I was inspired this morning, on my way to work. The Brookhaven Babtist Church on North Druid Hills Road always has a fascinatingly pithy blurb on their marquee, and today's was no exception:

"Don't worry - Moses was once a basket case, too."

I feel better already.