a real gem

Oy. A whirlwind of a weekend. Lotsa work, lotsa play, and I mighta found a drink or two.

On Friday night, the OSW and I headed to East Atlanta for a party thrown by a delightful gal with a nifty sense of humor. So nifty, in fact, that she decided to make her party an "I Miss Summer Party" and crank up the heat indoors - with added space heaters. I kid you not: it was 90 degrees in her house. Apparently, she intended for everyone to come dressed in warm weather attire, but I missed the memo. It was a charming party - lots of fun and interesting folks - but we lasted about thirty minutes before having to head off to other adventures. It was about thirty degrees outside, and I was never happier for the cold.

The rest of the weekend progressed as might be expected, and unlike everyone else in town, I had to work on Monday. Well, let's be honest - I had to show up and endure some of the most mind-numbing "seminars" I've ever suffered. To be totally truthful, most of the day was informative, but one of our major seminars was about "ADD/ADHD and Educating the Learning Disabled Child." First off, I'm not a big believer in the cult of ADD/ADHD. For the record: I do believe that it exists, and that it does affect many people in this country.

But jeez louise. We were presented with information that suggests vast numbers of people with this ailment. Vast. I would quote the research that was handed to me, but I've already tossed it out in disgust. Again, I have no doubt about many people are plagued with these problems, but this expert was basically telling us that we need to be prepared to accommodate every individual in a manner that speaks to their particular "disorder." Furthermore, we were all educated in the notion of the various "intelligences," a theory which basically pigeonholes people into eight categories (i.e., musical, existential, verbal, etc.). We were told to take a test that would tell us what kind of "intelligent" we were, and - get this - that if we came up with two or more results, that we were to go back and retake the test because IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO BE MORE THAN ONE TYPE OF INTELLIGENT.

You know what? I HATE being told that I am nothing more than the sum of my parts, that I have no facets, and that I can be so summarily reduced to a single perspective. It sickens me that people are being reduced to a collection of disorders. I would wager that should I have a private session with the expert, that she would diagnose me with a variety of things that would explain why I'm not rich or the President or something. I'm disturbed that there is an entire industry out there (and it is an industry, y'all) that is helping people to blame every misfortune of their life/childhood/day on some disorder over which they have no control.

I'm reminded of my favorite episode of "The Simpsons." Bart (naturally) has been diagnosed with ADD. His parents bring him to the pharmacy, where the scientists suggest a new anti-ADD drug called "Focusyn." When Marge asks if it works, the pharmacist says something like, "The only thing proven more effective is plenty of fresh air and exercise."

God help us. Oops...I'm sorry...it has been shown that belief in a higher power is a disorder, too. WAIT! That's only a disorder in Baptists... I MEAN alcoholics....HOLD ON...alcoholism is a disorder...but what if you just like to have a drink and a few laughs? Well, if you chart the number of drinks you have per week and compare it to the laughs obtained, you'll find that you are a blahblahblah intelligence, which is borderline alcoholic with tendencies towards the frivolous. Now, if we properly address the disorders displayed, we can eliminate any and all movements towards originality, humor, individuality, spontenaiety, or creativity, resulting in someone just like the researcher, who clearly has it all figured out while simultaneously avoiding any and all offense, problems, or even a furrowed brow.

Whew.