praise be

...laundry's done...
...trash is out...
...cab's been called...
..."out of office" messages posted...
...bags are packed...

...it's time to go. See ya next week.

sigh

..almost there...

dontcha

Weekend List, OSW-style...

* I developed a totally unpredictable crush on a totally interesting looking guy who has that east-villagey-geek style working for him despite the fact that he's from Nashville. I asked him what he does, and he said, "Well, I bake and work on projects and read a lot. I'm one of those people who just craves information; I'm always reading. I travel and do stuff and cook. Oh...and I can knit, too." What? And he even remembered me from, like...6 years ago, a single meeting, in a place I've been twice in my life. Well.

* I made an open confession to someone I've had a crush on for some time. I said something like, "I just hafta say...and this ain't the liquor talkin' (gesture to empty glass)...but...you are the only man I've ever met who gets more handsome every time I see him." I ain't lyin'. He blushed and smiled and blah blah blah. Then, he turned to me and said,

"Tell me something: what's gotten in the way of us getting together?"

I was beside myself for a split second, and I must admit that I'm proud of the composure I was able to muster. I looked right at his perfect, gorgeous face and said, "Because you still have a lot of growing up to do." He laughed sheepishly in agreement...I think.

* Watched "High School Musical: 2" with a friend, in an effort to create some cherished memories before he moves to another city. Honestly, the movie was pretty much, like, the Best Movie I've Ever Seen..totally.

* Had a wondrous "Ladies Who Lunch" dinner with the OSW, at Wisteria. I gotta get that place back on my radar. The green tomato gazpacho with feta was quite remarkable, as was my salmon over lettuce, onions, and cucumbers. The OSW and I began to toss around some ideas for our next show, which is always fun. Endured the ridiculously loud cell phone chatter of two girls sitting next to us: over-dressed, over-styled, both of them squawking into their phones. I mean, why even go out?

* Worked a lot, which was a delight. I'm serious.

* Little John's Farewell Tour 2007 made perhaps it's best stop on Thursday, at Halo. Just like the old days. I could talk for days about that crowd: handsome, creative, interesting, and madly humorous. It's no surprise that such a group gathered, given the guest of honor.

* Had a sinful lunch with three queens who just can't stop laughing. One week from now we'll repeat the performance at The Lobstah Pot in P'Town.

* Dinner at the Ponderosa with my mom and dad (sister's out of town).

* Oh...and...(drumroll)...it finally fuckin' rained. A lot. The temp is now about 73 degrees, and everything already looks greener. You can actually hear the earth sighing in relief.

i'm sorry

but...

I have to rehash an old cliche.

It's fuckin' hot in this damn town.

I know, I know: what do I expect? I grew up here, I know that it's ridiculously hot here in August. In fact, I know that it will not let up until...oh, I don't know...HALLOWEEN!

But this shit is gettin' to me. Like my friend the OSW said, "people are going crazy. their cranky and everything is dying." According to Wikipedia, the term "dog days..."

"...was coined by the ancient Romans, who called these days caniculares dies (days of the dogs) after Sirius (the "Dog Star"), the brightest star in the heavens besides the Sun.

Popularly believed to be an evil time "when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies" - Brady’s Clavis Calendarium, 1813.

The Dog Days originally were the days when Sirius, the Dog Star, rose just before or at the same time as sunrise, which is no longer true owing to precession of the equinoxes.

The ancients sacrificed a brown dog at the beginning of the Dog Days to appease the rage of Sirius, believing that that star was the cause of the hot, sultry weather."

Phrensies, indeed. And God, it must be hot: the OSW said "their" when he meant "they're." I do, however, think that his hydrangeas will survive, thus protecting his status as a true Old Southern Woman.

Apparently, the NY Times recently ran an article about why one should consider purchasing a log cabin in Newfoundland. They can be had for $20K, and you sit on your porch and watch huge chunks of ice float by on the river. As the global warming accelerates, I'm sure that by the time I retire my newfound cabin will be beachfront property, so the investment opportunities are endless. All joking aside, I do predict a surge in home sales in regions where the climate is more temperate. This shit will make you crazy.

The bright side (rather, the crispy, parched side) is that this appalling weather makes my departure for the Cape all the more satisfying. The forecast is for low-to-mid-70's during the day and cool, crisp low-60's at night. Perfect weather for...well, Just about everything.

i need some oxygen

Because my breath has been taken away.

Whenever Norma comes out to play, she seems to help the people come together. NOT THAT WAY, POTTYBRAINS! In a fun, communal, and hysterical way.

To wit...

The OSW and I worked on something that was odd and fun and completely nebulous, while simultaneously familiar and very special to us, two friends...sisters of a kind...who just wanted to freak out together for a little while. A dear and brilliant friend came to town to coordinate this madness. The DJ laid down some phat beats and infectious grooves, and Doug Anne worked magic with the followspot. Various artists contributed their extraordinary skills and resources to effect the magnificent specifics that gave some pizazz to our show. Everyone from all walks of life came down to just laugh and clap and drink and have a damn good time. One grandmother said, "Oh!...this reminds me of when I used to live in New Orleans and we would just go and see the shows and have a lot of fun!"

However, the one image that sticks in my mind that celebrates the crazy diversity and joy of our performance was a photo of me and my mother. I was in Norma's splendid drag, and she insisted that we have a photo taken together. Her face beamed wide and proud and happy. It might have been us at my college graduation, or at any one of my "legit" performances, or at my first day of school...

*Note to reader: My mother is completely accepting of my sexuality and life. She (and everyone else in my family) accepts my life, my friends, and my sometimes-odd artistic expression.

But she also appreciates the fact that I am an ACTOR, and that Norma is a role for me, and that it brings me great joy. She understands that I have a range, and that my performances bring a lot of very different people together. That particular type of joy brings her great pleasure, which itself is joyful.

Good, good times, y'all.

some women are drippin' with diamonds...

...I'm dripping with sweat.

It is 85 degrees at 11:00 PM.

It is a TOTAL cliche to bitch about the heat in Atlanta in August, but sheesh...! This is ridiculous. It's been crazy hot here (95+ degrees and about 200% humidity) for a couple of days, and it doesn't look like it will let up for a while. I mean, this is the kind of hot where you don't leave the house. And in addition to the oppressive, ridiculous heat, we have a Code Red air quality which means that everyone's lungs will explode or melt or evaporate if you exert yourself outside. And by "exert" I mean "step outside." So, I bought a bunch of high-efficiency light bulbs, a reusable grocery bag, and I've decided to switch to a more efficient vehicle. Not that I didn't believe in global warming before, but I just cannot remember a summer where I really felt like the world was ending. I wish I could say that I cut down on my A/C use, but it's too stinkin' hot to do that. Baby steps.

In other news....

Well, I've been busy. And depressed. But I've shaken the depression (some might call it "moving out of the depression phase of grieving"), and feel renewed and optimistic. Maybe it's because I went to the gym today. Maybe it's because I've been eating better. Maybe it's because a good friend is coming to town this weekend for a crazy, wonderful event. Who knows? Whatever. I'll take it.

Oh, and I'm going to PTown in a few weeks.

Ok, everything's fine.

luxury

I work in a job that I love, but don't make a lot of money. I left a lucrative career in sales to do something that stirs great passion in me. A reduction in salary was part of the compromise, and I accepted it willingly.

Now, for those of you who don't know me, lemme tell ya a little secret: I'm TERRIBLE with money. If I have ten dollars in my pocket, I'll spend it on drinks with friends. Savings? What's that? However, I've had to get a little better about it recently, and I'm fine with that. I've given up some things, and continue to make changes that benefit me financially.

However, the one thing that I will NOT sacrifice is my occasional employment of a housekeeper.

A couple of months ago, I called a housekeeper at the recommendation of a friend. I was having houseguests and a big party, and wanted my little place to sparkle. Something else that you might not know about me: I despise houswork of any kind, but always felt weird about having someone come into my home and clean it. I mean, I have an 843 square foot condo. I ought to be able to clean it, but I never do anything unless I feel a natural inclination towards the act, and I hate cleaning.

So. I hired this guy. Went out for a couple of hours, and came home to a sparkling, fragrant, perfectly cleaned home. The kind of clean you don't want to mess up. The kind of clean that makes me happy to welcome people into my home again. The kind of clean that even I can maintain.

I think that I can give up a nice dinner or two per month to have this kind of happiness.

bored bored bored

That's what I am right now. I'm not working right now, and everyone else I know has...you know...a real job, so I'm bored, barely dressed with nowhere to go. And no, I'm not unemployed...I'm on a seasonal break.

So I googled "bored bored bored bored bored," and I found the following:

(start quote)

Bored, Bored, Bored.....Bored!

God, lab work can be boring sometimes can't it? In between greasing joints, preparing amine salts, shutting fingers in doors and polishing oil pumps, rather than commit suicide try out some of the following to brighten up your drab and wholly pointless life....

• Find out where your supervisor shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after they do. (This is particularly easy if you work for ***, only necessitating the purchase of one blue jumper.)

• Arrive at a group meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch and you're going to be nibbling throughout the meeting. During the meeting eat five entire raw potatoes.

• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

• Commission the mechanical workshop to construct an overly elaborate devise for determining the exact rotation speed of your rotary evaporator to within ±0.001 rpm. Argue with your supervisor that this information is vital to your experimental section and he is obviously a 'cowboy' for not agreeing with you.

• Sustain a trivial injury at work then make a good attempt at the world record for malingering at home/pub during your 'convalescence'.

• Play late arrival dare. Over a number of days increase your start time in the morning until this leads to a frosty confrontation with your supervisor. Times vary for the zenith of lateness - in special cases skilled skivers (CG) can arrive well into the afternoon before sufficiently annoying their boss. The ensuing argument is a great source of hilarity for hard working-start on time colleagues.

• Wear weird safety specs that simulate tunnel vision.

• Suggest that perhaps the floors could be buffed more often by less attractive cleaners.

• Put a chair facing the printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

• Leap on your supervisor's desk and play 'Candle in the Wind' using a combination of farting and buttock slapping. Begin to cry and demand three weeks compassionate leave.

• Ask the sefety officer for the entire back catalogue of his safety inspection dictaphone tapes and release 'The Best Safety Inspections Album In The World....Ever'. Follow this up by the contradictory 'The Best Safety Inspections Album In The World....Ever II'.

• Write a bizarre science fiction story for the yearbook adopting the writing style of a twelve year old.

• E-mail the whole department constantly with trivial statements about your whereabouts and/or shutdowns, eg 'my office will be shut at 10.30 am on Thursday 26th March 1998 for five minutes whilst I have a crap' or 'the safety shower in the abandoned sub-basement will be out of operation for five seconds at 3.05 am on Saturday due to essential maintenance on its lower sprocket bearing - we apologise for any inconvenience caused'.

(end quote)

I figure that the author works in some mind-numbing technical or scientific facility. Also, the 1998 reference indicates that the death of Princess Diana was fresh in the author's mind, which makes the "Candle in the Wind" thing funny. Other than that, I can't find anything else about the source.

I'm trying to find the humor in my current state of ambivalence, boredom, and general anxiety. This is better than wallowing in loneliness and the fact that everyone I know has paired off and is not available to go carousing with me. I could say that I wish I was one of those people, but I have to admit that not even I would go out with someone who described himself as ambivalent, bored, anxious, and lonely.

I think I'll post this entry on match.com and see what I get.

spent

So very many of you have written to me, asking after my wellbeing and curious as to the reason for my delay. Well, well, well...I've been busy. Here's a list, of sorts:

* was pretty disappointed by - and became deeply worried for - a close friend
* ran a camp for sixty-five children and was completely exhausted by the end of it
* hosted a reunion of friends, the likes of which as not been seen in years
* co-hosted a party which eventually saw 80 or so people in my 843-square-foot condo (throughout the day)...strangely, it did not feel cramped
* lost a beloved family member, and mourned her deeply
* traveled to New York for her funeral
* traveled back to Atlanta for the Fourth
* traveled BACK to NYC for a workshop and saw six Broadway shows, which inspired me greatly
* lost a friend, but no funeral was involved
* ventured to DC to visit a friend, do some work on a new piece, see some more theater, and just generally ham it up
* finally came home today to do laundry

Sorry if that's kryptic, but I'm exhausted. So much has happened in the last month; perhaps one day I'll be able to unzip the file that's in my head and divine some kind of meaning in all of this.

wake-up call

Who needs an alarm clock? I was awakened this morning by two things:

* The loudmouth "drill sergeant" who runs the local Boot Camp Fitness thing in my neighborhood. She was screaming at her troops as they jogged along my street - at 6 AM.

* A moth, trapped in my bedroom, battering itself against the walls, presumably trying to find its way out.

I can think of about ten other ways in which I'd prefer to wake up, a few of which are unfit to put in this forum. Funny, though, isn't it? A screaming fitness instructor and a little teenytiny moth can have the same effect.

I must admit, however, that I do like getting up rather early. I NEVER thought I would ever say that since I'll sleep 'til dusk when left to my own devices. I think it has to do with our very, very long summer days here in the South.

That and the fact that I've finally come to the realization that I don't bounce back the way I used to, ifyaknowwhatimean....

topsy - turvy

Well, well, well.

To say that the weekend was interesting would not only be boring but also an understatement. In a nutshell, I had fun, laughed some, cried some, stressed myself, relaxed myself, bonded further with my family, and went on a date. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally.

And today I have to go back to work...which I'll just go ahead and say I don't want to do. But I'll soldier through, do the deed, and then I'm off again for a spell.

Cried, you ask? Yes, I cried. Disappointment stinks, and (please beware: hyperbole ahead) I feel like a little teeny tiny part of me went cold and hard over the weekend. It makes me feel older, and I don't like that.

Ok, enough krypticism. This week holds...

* work
* a party
* preparing for said party (no small task)
* a convocation of old friends, which is sure to revive the small part of me that went cold this weekend

Good times.

and i hear people say she's getting old...

I have not been working for the last few days, so I have indulged in the luxury of NOT shaving. I like to do that every now and then. I don't particularly like the way I look with a beard, but my skin feels like a baby's when I finally shave it off my face. I do like that.

So I was all ready to let the beard grow out until I have to go back to work on Monday, when I looked in the mirror this morning...

...and saw grey in my whiskers.

I couldn't slather on the fancypants, costs-more-than-it-should-but-smells-so-good shaving cream fast enough.

Now, I'm not one of those people that freaks out about getting old (generally). But I wasn't of clear head this morning, so I lost it for a second. Grey hair in combination with a bit of recent weight gain spells "Oh...he used to be so cute," not "Damn, Daddy!"

So I lost the grey. Now I'll lose the weight. If only I could do that in the shower, too.

a new favorite thing

I was strolling along Tenth Street today, mocking the fools that line up for the Flying Biscuit (I mean, why wait an HOUR in 90 degree heat for a plate of mediocre eggs and pudge), when I saw a t-shirt that had this on it:

"Guns don't kill people...people with moustaches kill people."

Hah!

i'm as corny as kansas in august

So. Here's what I did today:

* Moved rack of costumes into basement storage space. I can now walk around in my kitchen...heck I might even set up a table and chairs...
* Agreed to go on a trip to NYC: three days of Broadway shows and workshops, with all expenses paid by a third party. To think that I had to think TWICE about this...
* Booked a room for a performance with a partner-in-crime who is out of his mind...
* Secured a DJ for said performance (also a friend and fellow fool)
* Confirmed plans with another fool who has agreed to write and direct the thing
* Went to the gym...to fit into costumes for said event
* Went to the grocery and bought healthy food so I can fit into the costumes so that a friend and I can make fools of ourselves in a piece written by an even greater fool at a venue where our other friend will be spinning...
* Agreed to leave the PR up to the OSW (he's good at that, dontchaknow...) I don't imagine that the six people who read these words amount to "letting the cat out of the bag." However, it is the interweb...
* Oh...and decided to take an acting class to keep the machine gassed up if ya know what I mean...

Not a bad day. This could be a wonderful thing and then again...this could be a debacle, but it sure is fun the think about.

gin and regret

Well, well, well.

Contrary to what the OSW says on his blog (link to the right), I did NOT participate in a drink off with him on Saturday night. After speaking with the OSW early on Saturday, I figured that he had too much of a lead and that I'd cut my losses. There are two sides to every story, y'all...

I made up for lost time, however, at the OSW's brunch on Sunday. Oy. A delicious blend of food, drink, and friends. Which blended into a porch party elsewhere...which blended into Blake's...which blended into blah blah blah blah blah...

Life in America is hard. I mean, I have a big party to plan (with the aforementioned OSW), guests to prepare for, and a cabaret to write.

I'm swamped.

kate smith is warming up...

One more of my favorite things, courtesy of today's AJC:

Couple Sues Wal-Mart Over Slip in Vomit

DAVENPORT, Iowa — A woman's fall in a puddle of vomit has resulted in a lawsuit against Wal-Mart. June Medema, slipped in the vomit at a Davenport Wal-Mart on June 13, 2005, according to the lawsuit, filed by Medema and her husband, James, in Scott County District Court earlier this month.

Medema claims that she was seriously injured in the fall.

The lawsuit alleges that Wal-Mart's negligence led to Medema's fall, but it does not specifically say how the store was negligent.

John Simley, a Wal-Mart spokesman, decline comment saying he hadn't seen the lawsuit.

The lawsuit claims that Medema suffered serious neck and upper back injuries in the fall and has undergone several surgeries and is unable to work."

Wal-Mart + vomit + moron/midwesterner = frivolous lawsuit. God Bless America!!!

"what need we manhattan...?

...just us and a cat in
a cottage on Cape Cod!"

Well, I think we'll be able to do without the cat, but you get the drift.

Every. Single. Time. I go to Provincetown, I'm amazed by new things, despite the fact that it is always the same old P'Town. Below, a list...to help me draw the memories of the last two days to the cheery foreground of my mind...

* Heaven is riding the ferry to P'Town and seeing the OSW waiting for you at the dock.
* Our hosts could not have been more gracious. I could go on, but I won't. It would be redundant. They are amazing men.
* Rode my bike all over town and felt for all the world that I was flying.
* I want to be a townie and am resolved to take steps in that direction.
* I have yet to eat a bad meal in that place.
* I finally met my husband. We've been married for some time, but I just met him this weekend (long story). The ONE photo that I've seen of him does not do him justice. Honestly, there must be a problem with the men of Boston if that one is single...
* I have come to the conclusion that everyone in P'Town is friendly. And not in that fakey, Southern I'll-talk-nice-to-you-and-then-criticize-you-when-you-turn-away kind of way. Friendly.
* Talked with God for one single, beautiful moment. It was neat.
* Screaming on the dance floor at the Boat Slip seems to always get a laugh.
* A favorite moment? Watching the sunset over the bay and looking up and down the beach to see hundreds of other people doing the same thing. The more I think I know about the world, the more I'm floored by the simple, gorgeous things that strike a bell in so many of us.

Labor Day cannot come fast enough.

and i don't have the munchies

My water smells like marijuana.

No joke. This has been the case for months now, and I know it to afflict the plumbing elsewhere in town (other friends have pointed it out, much to my amazement - I thought I was the only one). I even emailed the city water department, but I suspect the deleted it immediately, sending me to the "crazy" file.

But honestly...I turn on the shower or start the laundry or simply brush my teeth, and I can totally smell pot. Medicine mixed with sweet with dash of earthy. It's gross. I suspect that it has something to do with the massive water and sewer overhaul in Our Fair City these days. And it is probably toxic, but whatever.

In other news, I have maintained my clean home, had people over this weekend, and have a brief but oh-so-needed jaunt to the Cape this weekend. Cape Cod, that is.

As the OSW says, life in America does not suck.

dolly'll never go away...

You know, it has indeed been quite a long time since I've written, and I think I have a good reason for that.

Actually, I HAVE written quite a bit in the last little while. I'll be inspired to write about something, I'll sit and punch it out, and then read it....only to select-all-delete the whole damn thing.

Why?

Because nine times out of ten the tone of my writing was bitter, judgemental, and just plain stinkin' negative. And I din't like it one bit.

Topics included that high school quarterback to killed himself in a drunken car accident, Rev. Jerry F.'s death, some bits n' pieces in our fair local newspaper, etc. But my take on each of those things had a decidedly hurtful slant to it, and I did not like how I sounded. And no amount of clever wordplay seemed to diminish the meanness of my commentary.

Something has shifted in me recently. Now, I'm still acerbic, sardonic, and critical. I don't think that my wit has dulled in any way.

But I (re)started this blog to hone my writing and simultaneously get some stuff out, and part of that is picking and choosing how I present myself. It is a theme that has manifested itself in my home, my diet, and my body. I welcome the change.

I just hope this isn't the "manic" phase of a developing bipolar disorder. That would fuckin' suck.

now i don't feel so bad...

This story strikes me as funny...

From yesterday's AJC:

SUNBURY, Pa. — A woman accused of holding police at bay by brandishing poisonous snakes was sentenced to house arrest and probation.

"I just wasn't in the right frame of mind that night," said Terry Jackson, 36, at her sentencing Monday.

Officers were trying to prevent the despondent woman from harming herself with a hunting knife when the confrontation took place Oct. 25, police said.

Jackson picked up two western diamondback rattlesnakes, a pygmy rattlesnake and two copperheads to try to keep police from taking her into custody, authorities said.

Jackson, who was raising the snakes for laboratories, received several bites during the standoff and was taken to a hospital after police subdued her with a stun gun.

The snakes were later donated to a zoo in Hershey.


I LOVE it: "I just wasn't in the right frame of mind that night."

Brilliant.