bored bored bored

That's what I am right now. I'm not working right now, and everyone else I know has...you know...a real job, so I'm bored, barely dressed with nowhere to go. And no, I'm not unemployed...I'm on a seasonal break.

So I googled "bored bored bored bored bored," and I found the following:

(start quote)

Bored, Bored, Bored.....Bored!

God, lab work can be boring sometimes can't it? In between greasing joints, preparing amine salts, shutting fingers in doors and polishing oil pumps, rather than commit suicide try out some of the following to brighten up your drab and wholly pointless life....

• Find out where your supervisor shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after they do. (This is particularly easy if you work for ***, only necessitating the purchase of one blue jumper.)

• Arrive at a group meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch and you're going to be nibbling throughout the meeting. During the meeting eat five entire raw potatoes.

• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

• Commission the mechanical workshop to construct an overly elaborate devise for determining the exact rotation speed of your rotary evaporator to within ±0.001 rpm. Argue with your supervisor that this information is vital to your experimental section and he is obviously a 'cowboy' for not agreeing with you.

• Sustain a trivial injury at work then make a good attempt at the world record for malingering at home/pub during your 'convalescence'.

• Play late arrival dare. Over a number of days increase your start time in the morning until this leads to a frosty confrontation with your supervisor. Times vary for the zenith of lateness - in special cases skilled skivers (CG) can arrive well into the afternoon before sufficiently annoying their boss. The ensuing argument is a great source of hilarity for hard working-start on time colleagues.

• Wear weird safety specs that simulate tunnel vision.

• Suggest that perhaps the floors could be buffed more often by less attractive cleaners.

• Put a chair facing the printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

• Leap on your supervisor's desk and play 'Candle in the Wind' using a combination of farting and buttock slapping. Begin to cry and demand three weeks compassionate leave.

• Ask the sefety officer for the entire back catalogue of his safety inspection dictaphone tapes and release 'The Best Safety Inspections Album In The World....Ever'. Follow this up by the contradictory 'The Best Safety Inspections Album In The World....Ever II'.

• Write a bizarre science fiction story for the yearbook adopting the writing style of a twelve year old.

• E-mail the whole department constantly with trivial statements about your whereabouts and/or shutdowns, eg 'my office will be shut at 10.30 am on Thursday 26th March 1998 for five minutes whilst I have a crap' or 'the safety shower in the abandoned sub-basement will be out of operation for five seconds at 3.05 am on Saturday due to essential maintenance on its lower sprocket bearing - we apologise for any inconvenience caused'.

(end quote)

I figure that the author works in some mind-numbing technical or scientific facility. Also, the 1998 reference indicates that the death of Princess Diana was fresh in the author's mind, which makes the "Candle in the Wind" thing funny. Other than that, I can't find anything else about the source.

I'm trying to find the humor in my current state of ambivalence, boredom, and general anxiety. This is better than wallowing in loneliness and the fact that everyone I know has paired off and is not available to go carousing with me. I could say that I wish I was one of those people, but I have to admit that not even I would go out with someone who described himself as ambivalent, bored, anxious, and lonely.

I think I'll post this entry on match.com and see what I get.