beatrice elizabeth

"Beatrice Elizabeth" is a generic term for all white, privileged, sort-of-spoiled little girls. They are not necessarily brats, but they can be brattish. Neither is it their fault; these little girls are raised as princesses, and have little sense of context. They can be demanding, mischievous, whimsical, charming, and unpredictable. You totally know the type. They're the one's whose parents throw those insanely expensive and elaborate, $50K-birthday parties - for their 4th birthday.

The name is an obscure reference to an even more obscure play, Elmer Rice's "The Adding Machine." Trust me, the reference is VERY obscure - anyone who can identify it will have my eternal esteem. The more I encountered these little girls, the more appropriate the moniker became. It seemed that every time I had a client with a daughter or met someone's sister who had children, the more bothersome the little children seemed to be. And they ALWAYS seemed to have two names: Amber Madison, Mary Claire, Chandler Marie...you get the drift. Beatrice Elizabeth's brother might be named Hunter Chase, a name that implies the status of "old family name" but really was probably inspired by the street address of the parents' first McMansion.

Beatrice Elizabeth appears everywhere; therefore, I was not surprised when she showed up in today's Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

"A recent AJC lost and found classified ad had us scratching our heads here at Buzz Central. The three-line ad read: “Stuffed bluebird, 7-inches, lost at the airport wearing blue soccer uniform. 404-***-****.” When we rang the number listed, Atlanta mom Angela McKinnon answered. As it turns out, the missing bird is McKinnon’s 9-year-old daughter Delaney Stewart’s favorite stuffed animal. “She dropped him at Hartsfield-Jackson when we were coming back from a trip over New Year’s,” McKinnon told Buzz Wednesday. “She’s had him since she was 1. He’s really like a member of the family. We would rather have lost all of our luggage. Delaney cried herself to sleep over it.”

The ad for the well-worn Precious Moments Tender Tail plush toy has already inspired one prank call “from someone saying they were holding him hostage,” McKinnon says. The family has printed reward posters and is offering $200 for the safe return of the beloved stuffed toy."

I mean, a STUFFED ANIMAL is the same as a member of the family?!? A federal case made out of a little girl who cried herself to sleep? Oy. The icing on the cake is the fact that it's a Precious Moments relic. Gross.

Somehow I suspect that the new owner of the tattered stuffed bluebird that was found at the airport ISN'T likely to read the lost and found section of the AJC.

But I'm just sayin'...